Sub or Porn Star?

WIth Fifty Shades of Grey still lingering, I hear more and more of women who have suddenly decided to become a ‘Sub’ and find their own Christian Grey. As you could tell from my FiftyShades can fuck off post, I’m not a fan.

These misleading books try and pornify BDSM into a manner which is dangerous when approached by newbies. Ropes, whips, flogger and paddles are lethal in the wrong hands. Tie a knot too tight and you could lose circulation, not to mention rope burn on your vagina, whip someone too hard and you can leave scars, as for paddles, well, broken bones aren’t sexy.

But hey, it’s fun right! So how do you go about getting yourself a Dom? T’internet. Sign up somewhere as a sub, or hunt down a wannabe Dom and boom, you’re away.

A word from an actual Dom:

The scary part of this is the safety. More and more people are likely to get hurt as they want to try to emulate these ‘erotic scenes’ that ‘caught their imagination’ while reading in bed one night, to help them ‘achieve a higher sexual fulfilment’ that they thought was missing from their lives.
Over the past few weeks, I have had several subs talking to me about ‘being a sub’ – none of them have ever tried it, yet like the idea of being told what to do and to be used sexually . All of them however, admit to have had guys talking to them about wanting to ‘become their Master’ – this is to me, very, very scary.

Urbanvox Photography

If one of these ladies decided to take a guy up on this offer to allow him to use her as his sex toy, injury, humiliation, excess pain and not much in the line of fun could really ensue – as most of these that approach in this way to me, are Porn Masters. A Porn Master is someone who has watched an awful lot of porn in this field and gets off on it, thus likes the idea of ‘having a sub to fuck when I like’, but the reason as to why this is the scary part, is pretty soon as a female you might find yourself hanging upside down spread eagled with a 10 inch dildo pounding at your pussy and/or arse like a pneumatic drill – suddenly the image that you had reading a book goes all askew!

Contrary to belief, a Dom is not there to provide constant pain. They’re meant to have a loving, considerate role. If a Sub wants to commit to you, it is a privilege which needs to be respected.

When finding a Dom, you first should have a chat. Talk about things you have done in the past, and what it is you want out of the relationship. The sub gets to chose her master, the master does not chose the Sub. If the Sub is happy and a safe word and safety aspects have been discussed, she will then submit herself. The sub will get down on her knees and ask him to be her Dom. When this is accepted, they consummate their relationship. After this the training begins.

So now he’s your Master. A real Master only has one sub. If your Master has more than one Sub, somethings not right. A ‘vanilla’ is a new Sub. These can be moulded to how you like as they have had no previous training.

A Master without a sub can train other subs, as long as they don’t have a Master either. But if either find a Master/Sub then the training cannot continue.

So going back a little bit, I mentioned a safe word. This is a prearranged word which when said stops all activity. You will also want to have a hand signal incase you are gagged or your mouth is otherwise engaged. When the word/signal is given, everything stops. There’s no “oh just one more sec, I’m nearly done!” It stops right there. You then need to unbound your sub and ask where the pain is so you can resolve it. If you’re playing with ropes or ties, make sure you have scissors near for an emergency. After the safe word is said that is session over.

A Sub who has a true Master has his full attention. The Sub will not just be used as a sex doll, both hers and his sexual needs will be fulfilled. A Sub can still be hugged, held and cared for.

A Sub is a Sub for life, until a Master releases her. A sub can ask to be released if they have decided they don’t like it, things aren’t working etc. and a Master will allow this.

A Porno Master just wants to fuck you when he wants, and wherever he wants. He isn’t an expert at rope play, doesn’t care about your safety and will play by his own rules with no regard of your wants of needs.

BDSM can be real fun, but can also be a pain, literally, but it will most certainly change your life.

Have fun, but be careful – it’s not all fifty shades, more like fifty thousand shades.

Special thanks to a lovely Dom for helping me write this.